I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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