Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
