Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize