my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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