just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
