You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Two words: nipple clamps
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