ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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