I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
