if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
