Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Randomize
