Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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