I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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