That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
