oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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