How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
