I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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