That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i out mim tonsoeep
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