if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
