It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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