Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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