Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
