im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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