I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
