I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
