Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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