I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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