Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
