i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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