Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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