Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
