Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
