i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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