it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
