I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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