Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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