apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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