I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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