I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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