You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
