We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
