Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
