Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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