she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
