Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
