I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
