We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
