Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize