How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
