Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
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