This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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