when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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