Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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