my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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