It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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