so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
