K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
