The maid of honor just puked.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
