two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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