What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
