I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
