It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I could fuck to npr.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
