i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
