just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize