i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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