If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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