the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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