You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
