I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
