It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
