I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
