yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
