He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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