I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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