mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
