It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
