____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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