I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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